How do you plead? not guilty!

Let’s talk about guilt. I don’t think there are very many people who haven’t felt guilty at one time or another. But what is guilt? The dictionary describes it as the feeling of having done something wrong or failing to live up to an obligation. This is all accurate but doesn’t really cover the nuances of this emotion. It is an interesting emotion. It is highly driven by morality, which makes it unique and very subjective. People’s morals can differ substantially. A vegan can feel guilty for eating meat, while someone who is not vegan doesn’t. It is also one of the few emotions that can both be considered limiting and motivating.

Guilt is listed on the Abraham Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale second from the bottom for it’s limiting qualities, slightly above fear, grief and despair. Although I agree that guilt can be a limiting emotion, this is not the whole picture. Feeling some guilt is healthy when it motivates you to make amends for something you may have done to injure another. Feeling no guilt at all is actually considered a symptom of a personality disorder and could indicate a lack of empathy. So, let’s talk about the two extremes of guilt.

At the positive end of the spectrum we have natural guilt, which is more like remorse. You can tell its natural guilt because its immediate. It’s occurring in the present. You did something to cause pain or difficulty, intentionally or unintentionally, and you feel bad about it. Maybe you borrowed your friend’s car and put a dent in the fender and so you feel guilty about it and offer to pay to have it fixed. This type of guilt is reparable. You can make amends. You can apologize, pay your debt, resolve to change your behavior. Taking these actions should dissolve the guilt feelings.

On the other end of the spectrum is toxic guilt. Toxic guilt is what happens when natural guilt is not remedied. It manifests as a pervasive feeling of non-specific badness. This kind of guilt results from subconscious patterns that have not been addressed. They are usually inward focused and usually accompanied with negative self-talk. They attach to current behaviors and can build up and wreak havoc with your self-esteem. You didn’t make it to the gym so you’re lazy. You didn’t lose the weight so you’re a failure. You missed a deadline and now you’re going to get fired. Now you’ve established a behavior pattern of beating yourself up over any little misstep.

Guilt can also be used as a tool by others to manipulate you into doing things you may not want to do. We’ve all experienced a mother or other parent figure using guilt to get you to do something like attend a family event that you really don’t want to go to. “Oh, but your aunt and cousins are flying all the way from Florida. They’ll be so disappointed if they don’t get to see you.” Now, is your mother an evil person who is intentionally trying to control and manipulate you? Probably not. She just wants her family to be all together and may not even realize the pressure she is putting on you.

Guilt, the damaging and toxic kind, can force you to do things you don’t want to do. It can lower your vibration and lead to even more debilitating emotions such as low self-esteem, bitterness, anger, resentment, or feeling controlled and manipulated. It can also be a great time-suck preventing you from doing the things that are more productive or that bring you joy and raise your vibration.

The good news is that guilt is a changeable emotion. Releasing feelings of guilt is empowering. It frees up time to work on the things that you truly want to and moves you towards goals that expand and enrich your life. It allows you to avoid additional draining negative emotions and instead feel free, happy and like you are in control of your own life.

So how do we rid ourselves of guilt? The first step is awareness. Ask yourself if your actions are motivated by correcting a mistake that you made or if you are being too hard on yourself with unrealistic expectations. Give yourself more credit for the things that you have accomplished. When someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do and you know that it will be a significant drain to do it, create and enforce your boundaries. You are not a bad person for protecting your own energy and focusing on the things that are for your own well-being. Shed the toxic guilt and watch how much better you will feel and how it can lead you to your best life.